


The Best Days and the Worst Days

by aintweproudriff



Category: Newsies (1992), Newsies - All Media Types, Newsies!: the Musical - Fierstein/Menken
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Cutting, M/M, Multi, Self Harm, more spralmer angst with a happy ending?, yep
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-09-20
Updated: 2017-09-20
Packaged: 2018-12-31 22:57:39
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,696
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12142947
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/aintweproudriff/pseuds/aintweproudriff
Summary: Prompt: Spralmer highschool au where one of them is self harming, without the others knowing. They find out accidenally, and there's a happy ending.Prompt: "I don't deserve to be loved"





	The Best Days and the Worst Days

**Author's Note:**

> Hi, as you may have noticed there's self harm in this story.   
> First, please do not read this if it's going to trigger you.   
> Second, I have no experience with self harm, which is a good thing, but it means some of the things I say in this fic will be wrong. Thanks for understanding.

The four boys’ study schedule became pretty routine after a while. Once Spot offered his house as a place of refuge for everyone to study and hang out, and once it was clear that Medda, his foster mom, didn’t mind having three extra boys in the house, they were there every time they needed to study for a test, and sometimes more. 

On this particular day, Spot, Race, Albert, and Elmer had all been shoved into Spot’s room almost as soon as they walked in the door, due to Spot’s foster brothers Jack and Romeo and all of their boyfriends. Jack, Davey, and Crutchie had domineered the living room to watch a documentary, presumably an assignment for their history class. Romeo and Specs were in the kitchen, pouring over some kind of math that only Elmer could understand.   
Being in Spot’s room wasn’t necessarily a problem, of course. That was the preferred place to be for most of them, as it was usually the most out of sight place in the house to get up to anything they wanted. 

While it wasn’t the first thing they wanted to be doing, studying for the upcoming psychology test was what they ended up setting their minds to, although they made a point of rewarding themselves whenever they got something done. Therefore, papers, pencils, highlighters, and notes were passed around with kisses and smiles.   
Yeah, they knew how lame it was. That was why they didn’t so much mind the seclusion of Spot’s room. 

“So remind me about the sociocultural approac-”

“-I’m gonna go to the bathroom,” Albert interrupted the study session, jerking upwards and tugging on the sleeve of his flannel shirt as he did so. “Down the hall, right Spot?”

“Yeah, just past Jack’s room.”

Albert walked out quickly and Race watched him leave, jolting forward as soon as he was out of the doorway. 

“Has he been actin’ weird at all recently, do you think?” he asked, abandoning his work.

“How do you mean?” Elmer’s brows knit together, creating wrinkles on his forehead. 

“Like-” Race’s arms waved wildly. “Distant? Like he just kinda looks through you and doesn’t see you? Like he’s sad? I just think maybe somethin’s wrong. Do you see what I mean?”

“I guess maybe. But I wouldn’t know what you mean, I haven’t noticed a ton as far as his bein’ sad.” Spot answered Race, leaning back and setting down his pencil. 

Race scoffed angrily. “I think somethin’ might be really wrong. I just noticed this today, but what are we three wearin’ today?”

“T-shirts and jeans, I don’t-” Elmer shook his head.

“And we’ve been wearin’ that all week, since it’s finally warm, right?” Race held out his hands as if he expected their answer to be a physical object he could hold. 

His boyfriends nodded, and for half a second he was going to smile, knowing that he was making his point well. But his face grew sober quickly. 

“But what’s Albert been wearin’?” He looked around. “Long sleeves. All week.”

Spot, unwilling understanding dawning in his eyes, grumbled that Albert “could just be cold still-”

“You guys haven’t known him as long as I have. Every year, he breaks out his tank tops on the first day of spring. He loves warm weather, and he tries to will it into comin’. He’s not doin’ that now,” Race’s head hung. “That, plus him bein’ sad, just makes me a little worried.”

“Race, if you’re sayin’ what I think you are, then that can’t be taken lightly. And we can’t be speculatin’ like we are, we gotta ask him,” Spot swallowed, his eyes meeting Race’s darkly. 

“Ask who what?” Albert walked back into the room, brushing a piece of hair out of his face. 

“Uh, ask Mr. Smith about this question we have. Do you get this part here?” Elmer fudged, pointing to a question on his review sheet. “About child development and schemas?”

Albert’s head tilted as he thought about it. While he explained the answer, Spot, Race, and Elmer glanced at each other and tried to hide any concern on their faces. 

-

Days later, no one had confronted Albert about the issue. No one could quite figure out how to bring it up; there were too many risks associated with it. If they all talked to him about it at the same time, he might feel like they were ganging up on him. If only one person talked about it, how did they say that everyone was worried about him without saying that they’d been talking about him? Elmer argued that it didn’t much matter if they hurt his feelings if they were helping him. Race thought that the more they hurt his feelings, the less he’d want to get better. Spot didn’t have any idea what to think. 

That was, he didn’t know what to think about the cuts until he saw them himself. Albert obviously hadn’t meant to show the cuts, and he might not have even noticed that Spot had seen them. But he definitely did, and it scared the shit out of him. All of the speculations about what Albert might be doing to himself were suddenly right in front of his face, and his blood ran cold with a fear different than anything he’d felt before. 

Spot waited a few minutes, trying to let the thought tumble around in his brain long enough for it to straighten out, willing it to become the perfect sentence to say. But he realized that there was no perfect way to put it, and as the image of thin, red lines on his boyfriend’s arm flashed in his head, he decided that a ‘good enough’ option would do. 

“Hey, Albo,” he said, just as the bell rang and they picked up their bags to leave class. “Have you been feelin’ alright recently? I feel like you’ve been a little off.”

“I’ve been tired lately. I can’t get enough sleep,” Albert replied, his face deadpan but his ears turning red. 

Okay, so Race’s “be nice and he’ll talk about it” method wasn’t quite direct enough. 

Spot touched Albert’s shoulder and motioned for the two of them to walk over to the shoulder of the hallway. 

“Al, we know you’ve been cuttin’ yourself,” he placed both hands on Albert’s shoulders. “We seen it a couple times, each of us. And we’re gettin’ really-”

Albert grabbed Spot’s hands and hauled him into the nearest boys’ bathroom. They stood in the corner, surrounded by grimy tile and sinks that either wouldn’t run or wouldn’t stop running, and clutched at each other's hands. 

“We’re gettin’ really worried, Albert. First you were actin’ sad, and we thought maybe you didn’t want to be around us anymore. But then we saw this and it’s so much worse.”

Spot couldn’t stop the flow of words out of his mouth; once he started being direct, it was like a leaky sink.   
Not even when he noticed tears forming on the insides of Albert’s eyes and pouring down his cheeks did Spot stop talking. 

“We don’t want you to get hurt, Albo. Why would you start to- why wouldn’t you tell us if something is wrong?”

Albert’s eyes were closed so he wouldn’t have to make eye contact with Spot, but he was trembling. Spot could tell by the way his boyfriend’s hands shook, even when clasped in his own. 

“Listen, okay,” Spot traced his fingers up Albert’s sleeves gently, so as not to touch the skin underneath the fabric. “What I’m sayin’ isn’t what you wanna hear, is it?”

Albert glanced up, and Spot sighed. 

“I know. I’m not very good at talkin’ to people when they’re upset like this.” Spot let the corners of his mouth turn up. “So, is it okay if I text Race and Elmer and have them come talk to you?”

Albert nodded, sniffling. 

He shot a text to the other two boys, asking for them to come to the bathroom they were in, and telling them that it needed to happen soon. It was lucky that Race was in study hall, and Elmer was in the health clas down the hall. 

In the two minutes it took them to arrive at the bathroom, Spot cradled Albert to his chest, not minding the way that tears were getting on his shirt. 

“Albert, Spot,” Elmer came in first. “What’s going on?”

Albert turned his face away from Spot’s chest, and Spot took the opportunity to chastely kiss the top of his head, a reminder that he was there.   
Neither of them spoke, though. Instead, Albert only pulled up the right sleeve of his hoodie, revealing what all three of his boyfriends had feared. A long column of cuts ran its way up his arm, slicing through freckles and veins. 

Race took that moment to walk in, and gasped louder than he meant to. 

“Albert, oh my god, baby,” he said hushedly, rushing over to where the three of them knelt.   
Race took the hand that Elmer wasn’t holding, and held it to his mouth. He whispered something into the palm and his head fell so that his chin touched his chest. 

“Albie,” Elmer spoke, his knees dropping to rest on the floor with Race and Albert. Spot did the same. “Why would you do this, love? I know you must be in a lot of pain, but I don’t understand why you couldn’t tell us about it.”

“I guess I thought you’d be angry,” Albert’s voice was hoarse with salt. “And you kinda are, so I was right there.”

Spot shook his head. “We’re not angry, we’re just scared. We don’t want you to be hurt, at all. Physically, emotionally.” 

“We want you safe, Al,” Race added, squeezing Albert’s hand. 

“We love you, and we don’t like seeing you sad or unhappy or in pain,” Elmer took Spot’s hand, looking at him nervously. 

Albert’s head snapped down, and another tear fell from his face. “I don’t deserve to be loved.”

Collectively, three hearts sank lower than they ever should have. 

“Why would you think that?” Race choked, his voice tight and afraid.

Elmer’s hand left Spot’s to wipe a trail of tears from Elmer’s cheek. Spot cleared a few tears that were gathering in his eyes and kissed Albert’s forehead again, whispering a statement to the contrary.

“Because I’m not. I scared you guys and I made you all cry and I shouldn’t have ever bothered you with any of this. You’re all going to be marked absent from your classes because of me, and I just messed it all up. I don’t know why you’re still with me.”

“What?” Race spoke what they all felt, his face showing the same concern and confusion as everyone else’s. “You can’t think-”

Elmer flung his hand onto Race’s chest, forcefully stopping him from continuing. 

“Al, we love you,” Elmer spoke softly. “And we could give you a million reasons why we love you and it still wouldn’t be every reason we love you. We love being around you, and being with you. We’re dating you because we love you.”

Spot and Race nodded their heads, and Albert’s eyes darted around the circle, studying people’s faces before hiding away again. 

“And,” Elmer kept talking. “I’m sorry you don’t see all the reasons we love you. I’m sorry that if you see yourself, you don’t see the incredible,” he kissed Albert’s forehead, “intelligent,” he kissed Albert’s cheek, “fun person we do,” he kissed Albert’s nose. “But I can promise you that we’re going to be here with you while you don’t. And on the day when you see yourself like we do, we’re still going to be here.”

Spot and Race nodded again, and Albert looked up one more time. 

“Really?” he whispered. “You’re really not mad that I did this”

“Hell, we’d skip class to hang out with you anyway,” Spot cut the tension. “Maybe next time we can not do it in a bathroom, but where you are is where we are.”

His boyfriends smiled, and one of the leaky sinks stopped dripping. 

Race’s smile fell quickly. “Albo,” he said, concerned. “Can you tell us about this? How long has it been going on, and why did it happen?”

Albert took a deep breath. “It was couple years ago. I just did it once, to see, and then I couldn’t - I couldn’t really stop. But I did stop, for a long time, when I met you guys. Well, I already knew all three of you as friends, but when we started datin’ and all of us were together every day.”

Spot remembered; that was the happiest he’d ever seen Albert after years of being friends with him. 

“So what happened?” Spot asked. 

“I - my dad started to catch on, and he started askin’ questions more, and then he would drink. Just a few weeks ago, really, is when I relapsed. It wasn’t a good day; he had yelled a lot and said a lot of things. I couldn’t tell if he was just drunk or if he would have said it anyway.”

Albert’s tears returned as he spoke the last sentence. 

“I just did it and it hurt a lot more than I thought it would, but after it just kinda felt like I was better? There was somethin’ so satisfyin’ about it. I don’t know. And then you know that I thought you’d be angry so I didn’t - yeah.”

Race’s shoulders dropped, and so did his head. Elmer’s forehead rested on Albert’s lap, and Spot’s face was buried in Albert’s shoulders. They constantly reminded him that they were there, and that they loved him. 

“Albert, babe,” Race looked him in the eye. “What are we goin’ to do about this? You know we can’t just pretend this didn’t happen, and I love all of us, but we’re not professionals.”

“Medda knows someone,” Spot closed his eyes tightly and shook his head, like he couldn’t believe he was talking about this. “A therapist? She’s talked to Jack and Romeo a couple times, and she seems nice enough. If you wanna I’m sure she could-”

Albert’s chest shook as it rose and fell. “Yeah,” he nodded. “That’d be good. If you guys are willin’ to stick with me, I should do somethin’ too.”

“Alright. I’ll talk to her tonight, yeah?”

Everyone nodded. 

“Okay. We’re gonna be alright,” Elmer sat up. 

Everyone nodded. 

“We’re going to revisit this, and I wouldn’t have not come to help you for the world, Albie, but I do need to get to class. And you guys should probably go too, so that you’re late and not absent,” Race stood up, kissing each person on the forehead lightly as he left. 

“Good thing we’re going to classes down the hall from each other, huh Spot?” Albert smiled once the other two boys had left. 

“Yeah, good thing. I wanna make sure you get there.”

“I don’t need you to-”

“I know. But this means I get to,” Spot kissed Albert’s cheek and smiled, making Albert smile too. 

They walked out of the bathroom, Spot’s hand holding Albert’s in a way that was more delicate than either of them would have admitted. No one who saw them in class mentioned the tear stains on shirts or faces, which was likely the best course of action for everyone involved. 

-

Studying at Spot’s house would resume over the next few days, but a few things would change. For one, it wasn’t uncommon for Albert to remove a hoodie that he had worn all day as soon as they walked in the door of Medda’s house, and then for his boyfriends to nots-so-sneakily sneak concerned peeks at his arms. For another, he often had to leave a few minutes earlier than the other boys did, so that he could meet with the therapist Medda had set up for him. 

What didn’t change were the rewards passed around for studying, and for staying healthy. Kisses were pressed to faces for a math question answered, and for a personal question answered honestly. It made it more bearable, somehow.

**Author's Note:**

> Therapy is amazing yall I just went back and it's already really helpful. 
> 
> If you liked it, let me know with kudos and comments, and don't forget to send any of your prompts to @javidblue on tumblr!


End file.
